Commissioning Process

Screenplay 2nd Draft

Screenplay 1st Draft

Research Dossier

The competition I would like to enter is the BlueCat Screenplay competition which is a competition with two categories, feature and short. I will enter the short competition as my screenplay is only going to be ten pages long which will fit in the short category. This competition does have a fee to enter and is £35 as a student rate. The only rule I need to consider is that they don't accept Celtx and must be submitted as a PDF which isn't an issue.

Convention

Existing script

3x3 - short film by Nuno Rocha - Shorts Bay
The first short film I watched was the same genre I plan to write and is why I chose it. It is a short film that follows two characters, one is a janitor and the other is a security guard who both have to stay over night at a basketball arena. As the security guards job consists of sitting around not doing much he practices throwing the ball into the net over and over and has gotten good so he starts to show off to the janitor presuming he is terrible. Later on the security guard is watching the CCTV cameras and sees the janitor trying to shoot at the basket and is failing causing the security guard to laugh, the janitor decides to play to strengths and starts to use maths to work out the perfect angle with the security guard still laughing the janitor steps up and gets and gets three in a row leaving the security guard gob smacked the short ends with the janitor challenging the the security guard to a match. The story had great pacing and never felt rushed telling a simple story within 10 minutes while making it completely believable. Although there was no actual dialogue it still conveyed both of the character really well using mostly inner presence. Both of the characters really contrasted well together as one was sporty and used his skill to succeed and the other uses his intelligence, also the cocky attitude of the guard was well done.

Schwarzfahrer - short film by Pepe Danquart - Shorts Bay
The other short film I found was another comedy as it is the genre I plan to write for. This short is a foreign production and is simple but effective as it follows a tram and show many different people riding the tram however it actually focuses on a racist white women and a younger black man who is just trying to go about his business but this old women wouldn't stop verbally harassing him and as the ticket collector comes round he takes his revenge by stealing the women's ticket and putting it in his mouth causing the women being kicked off of the tram. This is a powerful short as it takes very serious circumstances and shows the black character making light of the situation. It shows the old women being the antagonist as she is being unreasonable and has racist views. The black man does and great job at not reacting but showing many emotions as the women abuses him. This short has a good mix of inner and outer presence and also has context.  

http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/pensioner-lands-job-posting-ad-dying-boredom/ 
The theme of my script is to be persistent and focus on your goal and eventually you will achieve your goal. To research this I looked for news story's of people achieving there goals in long winded ways. As my scripts main character eventually achieves his goal through lots of different events. I found an article about a old man that wanted a job and focused on the goal as he was bored of retirement and so he eventually achieved his goal and got a job which is somewhat similar to my script as he kept on trying for his goal like my character and then finally got it.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3998784/Robber-posing-UPS-delivery-man-caught-camera-breaking-Texas-home-armed-accomplices.html
The location my script is set in LA so I looked for a news story about any house robbery's in LA and found a news article about a man who posed as a UPS driver to get the owner to open the door and then his friends barged in and stole from the home. This is the same setting as my script with the house robbery in the same place however my script is a comedy and in the news story the robbers were far more aggressive then I want my robbers to be.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-south-east-wales-37759800
I looked for a news story to match my characters and I came a across a story about an unsuccessful store robbery with the two robbers being idiots and they went in to get money and left with a few bottles of alcohol. These two robbers are very similar to my robbers as they are trying to be professional but completely fail. The main difference is that these two got away with it were my robbers don't but the way the robbery went is similar.

 Home Alone Script
When looking for a text to research that was similar I chose to get the script for Home Alone which is a film about a kid being left at home whitest robbers are trying to steal from his house and the kid must stop them. There are many simulates including the location which both my script and the film are located in a house that is being robbed. The narrative is also very similar with both having robbers trying to rob a house with some one needing to stop the them and also has a similar ending with the robbers being caught. The biggest similarity is the characters with one of the robbers being logical and the other being dim. Also my main character is put in the same situation as the main character as he is the only one around to stop the robbers.

Bibliography

BlueCat Screenplay Competition -  http://www.bluecatscreenplay.com/ - 29/11/16

BBC Writers Room - http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/scripts - 29/11/16

Shorts Bay - http://shortsbay.com/film/3x3 - 06/12/16

Good News Network - http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/pensioner-lands-job-posting-ad-dying-boredom/ - 06/12/16

Daily Mail - http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3998784/Robber-posing-UPS-delivery-man-caught-camera-breaking-Texas-home-armed-accomplices.html - 06/12/16

BBC News - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-south-east-wales-37759800 - 06/12/16

God Among Directors - http://www.godamongdirectors.com/scripts/homealone.txt - 06/12/16








      
                 

Log line

An unsuccessful home insurance salesmen just trying to move out of his job onto something more interesting walks his way into a house robbery without noticing the robbers' intentions. No one else is around to stop the robbers so he must be the one to step up and save the day before the robbers get away with all of the expensive objects in the house.

Treatment

United States of America, LA. Luke Smith is 21 and is a salesman for home insurance going door to door trying to sell his insurance to home owners. It is an awful job and Luke hate it. No one buys home insurance from door salesmen anymore and yet his boss makes him go out trying to make a sale. His boss is also his father and has been angry with everyone since Luke's mum died two years ago. At the end of every working day his dad threatens him to either make a sale or he will get fired.

On the other side of town two men working in a gas station both around 30 years old are discussing a plan to rob a wealthy neighborhood. The first man was a man named Kevin who was ambitious with dreams of becoming rich. The second man is the cousin of the Kevin and is called Brandon and is a nonintellectual man with zero common sense and has all his life followed his cousin around like a dog with no future plan for himself. The two men have planned to rob a wealthy neighborhood were a rumor about a couple recently gaining inheritance in cash and decide to go after it.  

The two men arrive at the neighborhood wearing balaclava and gloves and see the couple leave the house so decide to go in, they go to the front door and use a crowbar to open the door. The two men look around house for the money taking anything of value on the way, when an old lady comes out of one of the rooms and proceeds to beat up Kevin with her walking stick until Brandon restrains her. The men tie up the old woman and put her in a cupboard in the kitchen. The men take off their balaclava to talk properly and discuss what to do with the old lady. They decide to leave her for the moment and go back to looking for the money.

Kevin finds a metal box with a large lock in the wardrobe of the couple and presumes its has the money in so takes it downstairs meanwhile their is a knock on the door and a unsupervised Brandon goes to answer it. on the other side of the door is Luke waiting for an answer. Brandon opens the door and converses with Luke and Luke takes it upon himself to barge his way in as no one had even answered the door all day and desperately needed to make a sale.

As Luke enters the house as Kevin comes downstairs and realizes what Brandon has done. After a conversation between the three ends Kevin asks Luke to leave but at this point Luke is suspicious of the two as he had notices their bags full of items and the signs of some kind of fight. Luke decides that he will leave and then call the police but just as he gets up to leave the old lady in the cupboard shouts out for help, Kevin realizes the act is up and goes to grab Luke. Luke tries to make a run for it but gets tackled by Kevin, they then tie up Luke and take him into the kitchen.

Kevin knows that Luke has seen their faces and decides that they are going to have to kill him, Brandon disagrees and for the first time says no to Kevin so they start to argue and fight during the argument Kevin is pushed in front of the cupboard containing the old lady and in that moment the old lady kicks the door open sending Kevin flying into the kitchen the side of a cupboard, knocking him out. As Kevin falls to the floor Luke grabs a crowbar off a table and hits Brandon in the head also knocking him out. Both Kevin and Brandon go to prison. From this experience Luke realized that he enjoyed helping people and decided to join the police force leaving his old boring job.              

Dialogue Unfinished

Analysis of a scene - Final scene of Fargo

Character Screenplay

Urban Legend Sceenplay

First Screen Play Attempt